When the One You Love Doesn’t Love You Back

I have been single for almost 8 years now.

But this is not about my “love life” but rather finding the “right job that will love me back”.

I promised myself that once I finished studying I will serve the government for it paid for my studies. I am a proud product of public schools.

Six months after I graduated from college, I had my first “real” job” as an Agricultural Technician in our LGU and my dad was one of my co-worker. I’m hesitant at first because we all know that false rumors flock the building. Anyway my job description was more of technical. We have provided assistance to farmers in our municipality, from farm animals, to plants/vegetables, to pets. I was the youngest in the office and it’s ok for I know my comrades are family friends.

I was happy with work even though my bachelor’s degree is far from my job or at least somehow connected. We do field activities such as farm and home visits and I was the 4H Municipal Coordinator back then whereas 4H is an organization of in-school and out-of- school youth engaged in agriculture or any livelihood program and in short I handle teens like me.

A flashback on my past job.

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These were my 4Hers back then.
These were my 4Hers back then.
I am a Professional Civil Service Eligible and the want and need to have a permanent position in any government agency ticks in every neuron of my mind. I am the eldest so I have to help my parents raise our family. I thought that if you’re eligible you’re going to get the job and was definitely not true to all. I tried it for two times and failure followed.

What the F@CK is this F@CKING sheet of paper do??? The thought chants in my mind over and over and over again. This paper will not bring me any further, I have concluded for I was neglected two times or maybe I was just so young for the said positions. I continued doing my job with all my heart, strength and all the initiatives and skills but sometimes things never go as planned. There were rumors, there were untold stories and after one year and five months, I decided to leave. It was hard and tough but I have to move on not for myself but for my family. This job was not meant for me.

Today I am currently working as a contractual employee in another government office which is more associated with my field of specialization. Just like the job I left, this is also technical. I reached places I thought I can’t because of my physical abilities. Steep mountains, forests, seas, rivers, caves were my destinations. I didn’t mind the hardships when I wander around, I try so hard not to fail. I’m loving my job really loving it but just like the first one we cannot foresee what will might happen. I was under the PAWCZMS  and earns a 5 digit salary a month but in the near future it will change. My contract will expire this quarter and so my position and salary.I am not complaining because at least I have a job and serve my countrymen the best I can. My immediate supervisor and I were now designated under LPDs under (again) Water Resources Management. Things happened so fast that sometimes we lost track of it and so little by little we adapt.

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We are under the Rationalization Plan and open positions to be filled up have been flocking. Even though I have the eligibility we cannot say if I will be accommodated for there were thousands aspiring applicants like me. Some say I have to take down my pride and use connections but refrained. Its not the right thing to do. I will hold on with it until the very last. As of now, I am still waiting but when the results are up and I was not there, maybe this is not for me and have to move on to another chapter of my life. And I should also adjust my goal of being permanent from 25 to 27 or even older.

It hurts when the feeling of someone you love doesn’t love you back enters. Just like my past and current job. But there is a saying that “If you love someone set him/her free.” I love my job and in due time I shall set it free. And when it comes back then it’s for me.

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